Today I am doing that scene from the movies where the main character speaks aloud to herself in front of a mirror, practicing what she will say for her big interview or sometimes for her big date. I am in the living room and not in front of a mirror, but I am just as goofy, awkward, and repetitive. I do not have an interview yet, but I figure it is time to move on to this next stage of practicing.

Until now, I've been practicing by typing out my answers to possible interview questions and then reviewing what I will say in my head. I feel so much more confident thinking head to hand because it allows time for thought and articulation to incubate without having those natural interjections (the uhs and ums) slip in, tripping up my fluency.

I am definitely feeling less successful practicing aloud. My heart thumps just as hard when I'm talking to my imaginary committee members as it will when I speak with real people. My voice gets wavery, my body feels shaky, and then the uhs and ums start appearing in my spoken answers--if I can get anything out at all. I haven't been able to move on to the second question because I keep having to start over with the first. In theory, "tell us a little bit about yourself" isn't a difficult request to answer, but in practice my tongue thickens, a demented drumbeat of a pulse lands in my throat, and my thoughts get jumbled as if a two year old is shaking the snow globe souvenir of my brain and knocking it against the floor. Really, my thought functions dim and stall even in this play-acting scenario; I can't think, let alone articulate. There you go, the interview is shot. I try again.