reality for pausing

Thursday, June 9, 2011

The (slightly skewed) good news that I have to announce is that I won't have to practice interviewing for the first CSU job anymore because I didn't get a phone interview for the position. No more thumping heart in throat here. Very sad about this as I was actually incredibly interested in the work that this position offered, and I had visions of the joy I always felt working in writing centers... and this position seemed to have a similar ambiance. Oh well. I cried some, and then had to end that self-indulgence yesterday evening to go look at a house for rent. We dropped off the application this morning, and should hear back tomorrow. At least there's some possible (real) good news about the house to balance out my devastated daydreams of helping academic probation students succeed at school.

2 comments:

Ciara said...: Julia, Just as I told you we (Staci and I) are reading your blog at work just to keep up with your much more exciting life. We are sad to hear about the first job not working out. :( Hopefully you will get the house though! (We analyzed this sentence for proper grammar for a good few minutes, making sure you wouldn't read too thoroughly into it.) Don't be too nervous about your future interviews, I'm sure you will be fine. We miss you here in the shop and discuss things you would say about whatever is happening constantly. We hope you will come back to visit someday. Let us know when you run out of coffee! We still have several sacks of Colombian to get roasted! YAY! Everyone says hello to you, the man, and the pup! Love, Ciara, Staci and the rest of the OBR family!; June 9, 2011 at 5:59 PM
sassy said...: Ciara! I'm so happy to hear from you! I miss you guys! Every night I dream about you all. The other night I dreamed that Seth had corn rolls across his scalp and long flowing red hair. :-) Yesterday, we were out listening to music in the old town square and I saw a man walk past with long red dreadies. Can you belive it? There is another one out there! Seth, of course, was much better dressed. This guy was just dressed like a college student (he had orange socks on, though, and that was interesting).

Hey, I don't care at all about grammar when people are just writing to each other, only when we're trying to sell something, okay?

Have you all gotten my postcards yet?; June 10, 2011 at 8:03 AM

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about this blog

Originally, I created this blog for family and friends to stay updated with our location and happenings while we were traveling the country. But only a few months after I began blogging about our travel adventures we drove into the sweet, slow town of Bisbee and ended up staying. We actually moved five times while living there, thanks to generous neighbors who asked us to long-term housesit in between our rentals. We are on the move once more, and so it seems we are habitually in transition.

Traveling and moving so often stirs up questions for us about what we really need to feel content, comfortable, and energized about life; it emphasizes for us our relationship and attachment to things--ours and other people's things that fill our living spaces; and it encourages me to appreciate the value in staying put, while realizing that frequent physical change underscores the uncertainty and occasions for choice that exist in all moments of life.

MARCH 2011

After a three-month pause for reflection, I'm coming back to this blog with a renewed perspective on what I want to share. I stopped blogging because with so many transitions happening in my life (moving, traveling, moving, and moving again in only a few months)--and, well just ordinary life happening--nothing seemed particularly notable for the sharing. I was feeling tired, overwhelmed, bored, dispassionate, stressed out, worried, weighed down. What did I really have to say? We all feel that way regularly enough, and who needs to hear more?

Pema Chodron touches on this in an article I just recently read in the March 2011 issue of Shambhala Sun: "When we look at the world around us--our immediate world and the bigger world beyond--we see a lot of difficulty and dysfunction. The news we hear is mostly bad news, and that makes us afraid. It can be quite discouraging" (48). Sometimes it takes unthinkable effort to stay encouraged by life when surrounded by so much obvious sadness and negativity--and it's difficult enough to summon the energy to reach beyond the anguish to share the beautiful moments. Maybe we even convince ourselves that the ordinary pleasures of life are insignificant in the face of such suffering. I don't understand the tricks of mind that I play on myself, but I know I repeatedly lose my vision for pausing in everyday reality, for seeing the smallest moments of magic.

Chodron tells us, there is a "basic queasiness that leads us to all kinds of self-destructive and other-destructive habits" and a "whole chain of events that emerges from our fear of uncertainty, of not knowing what in the world is happening or what is going to happen" (49). I feel an urgency to interact with this chain of events; to interfere knowingly--though perhaps innocently; to respond to my abounding fears and uncertainty with intent. I want to return to the primary assumption of this blog--a reality for pausing in: to not overlook or disregard the small points of joy, but to connect them; to appreciate the magic that is present in that which is obscured by routine; to actively express gratitude and to meaningfully alter the "chain of events that emerge" from my thoughts and practices, my surroundings.