my last days?

the last 24 hours have been trying. because everywhere we look, we see some pile of something. snark got overwhelmed yesterday with all of my dad's piles and stacks and basically shut down. today he is working on going through some of it along the back side pathway. i felt more competent yesterday, and today just feel worried that i've taken on a death wish rather than a task of major spring cleaning.

(the path snark cleared)

i am worrying that my dad will get back from his vacation: instead of being pleased at the space and clutter that is cleared, i will be greeted with anger or something else . . . i'm thinking about the silent treatment, banishment, being disowned, or a slight chance of murder. okay, maybe i'm exaggerating here, but i really dislike people being mad at me. and family, well, that's even harder, right? so naturally, i'm a bit stressed and scared of what dad's reaction will be.

lots of the stuff that we've moved, discarded, sold, or sent to the dump has been approved by the dad. but not all of it. snark has taken it upon himself (so he doesn't go crazy) to take two overloaded truck-fulls to the dump. so while super snark takes further initiative than i feel comfortable with, i've adopted the soon-to-be estranged daughter role, worrying about "getting into trouble" and what this will mean for me. uh, do i sound like a catholic here with my clinging need for approval, for being "good"? it gets complicated when we realize that "good" is really not a flat concept that goes one way or the other, but a full spectrum of choices that look different depending on the perspective.

the truck being piled up with stuff for the dump


we are reasonable adults: why can't we just follow our instincts about what is responsible to keep and what needs to go straight into the trash pile? we can. but i'm just intimidated by the imagined (negative) outcomes.

why do we get so stressed out about this stuff? it's just trivial in the scope of larger things, though, last night and earlier today it felt like too much to cope with.

p.s. this afternoon i cleaned out my parents' freezer (with mom's consent).